This morning I was talking to my daughter about the evolution of my relationship with my husband and how I used to immerse myself in his will, but after my diagnosis with OCD I worked the steps for codependency and learned to own my feelings and assert myself. Oddly, he has felt like I’m not as happy since then, which is the opposite of how I feel about it.
I’m reminded of the analogy my Chemistry teacher would use about bonds between atoms like dating relationships. Covalent bonds were like couples who were enmeshed, and polar bonds were where one side had more use of the electrons. Ionic bonds are where the two atoms are associated, but not really bonded. I guess I could say we went from being polar to hopefully covalent but not as far as Ionic. My daughter is kind of having an ionic experience with my husband right now. They have to live together, but it is not comfortable for either and their have this tendency to dissociate.
Or maybe my husband and I are a polyatomic ion, and she’s attached to me but repelled by him. We’re Phosphate. There actually are issues that arise from the other children, so we could be dihydrogen phosphate. When the children are born, they’re like hydrogens, just a proton and electron with no neutrons. But she’s developed a neutron and she’s thinking about becoming a noble gas. And I’m like “that’s great, we always hoped that would happen” and my husband’s like “stay, stay, we need to protect you!”
I think back to when she was born. I felt with her, like I hadn’t gotten a chance to feel with my first child that died, that she was a creation of the relationship between us. Of course, we believed her spirit came from God, that was all part of the mystery of it. I came to feel that his family was also my family now, because they were the ancestors of my child.