On my 43rd birthday I went to the movies with my sister and our husbands. In the parking lot a car had a sticker that said this:
Who was I & who had I wanted to be? I was a mom, still am, and I believed in the honor of that as a career. Even though I was past 40 I had researched adopting or fostering more children. But then my two younger children were diagnosed with ASD. It wasn’t an issue of being too much to handle so much as witnessing the hazards of infancy with an older sibling who lacks theory of mind.
I had also recently been asked by someone why I didn’t work in Linguistics, my bachelor’s field. Mostly, because I didn’t get a graduate degree. I had also been drawn to the field of public health, as I had engaged with the issues of preventive health and evidence basis for lifestyle change.
The there’s the challenge of remembered dreams, of being a child wishing for stardom as a chef, an actor, a rockstar, but under all that, a hero. I wanted admiration, sure, but for helping people.
The next time I was at the library I saw a book about Victor of Aveyron, a boy reputed to be raised by wolves in France in the 1800s. Was he without language because he was wild, or wild because he was without language? As I revisited this conundrum of cognitive science, I decided to apply to go back to school.
But at this point I got seized by what I would call intuition. My interest lay in language pathology, but on a deeper level I was drawn to nursing. There were a lot of logical reasons to consider nursing over language pathology. They would take about the same amount of prerequisite work, but nursing had more training venues and broader possibilities at the end. On the other hand I would need to take chemistry, which was intimidating me.
But I just felt right about pursuing nursing. Such feelings don’t always work out the way it seems they should. At one point in my course I applied to Physician Assistant school, but even though I didn’t get in, that resulted in me taking abnormal psychology, which lit a whole nuther ball of wax. I even contemplated medical school for a while, but I am still a mom with special needs kids. It wasn’t a matter of can’t so much as priorities.
So I found the Western Governors BSN program a year ago. I stumbled across a note on the margin from a counseling session that mentioned it, and remembered a conversation about it with my Anatomy professor and a fellow student. I’m really glad I did because it’s designed for people who work full time and besides momming, I do paralegal work with my husband’s law practice.
Since June I’ve been in the pre-nursing pre-semester, but yesterday I got word that I’ve been accepted into to the full program. To paraphrase Picabo Street, my dream that was a goal has become a mission.
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