This is a follow up to All the Single Ladies, in case anyone actually reads my blog as a blog. Back in November I actually filed for divorce. My husband got counseling (I went too, and did work on making my needs known). And ruminating on my parents marriage, I do think an outcome where my Dad reformed would have been okay (whereas in the past my sister and I have blamed our mother for putting up with it as long as she did.)
There have been some important changes, but I’m not feeling what the bishop and therapist say, that there has to be more than “for the kids” since my relationship to them is temporary. I can only say we’ll have to see what happens. I don’t know, for instance, if my youngest will ever be a functional adult.
I called it Schrodinger’s divorce to my oldest. And I guess that’s the thing. I don’t know if my husband will always be my husband. It depends on when you look, I guess. But we’re on more often than not lately. I’m fighting a hard fight. But I’m fighting it for my kids. Though that makes it a little hard to track what it is I’m fighting, since they are 4 distinct individuals. I have to have some internal standard of deciding what to do. I don’t take a poll every morning when I wake up. I think even for the kids who don’t always agree that we should be married, that’s important. Whether I am doing the right thing will depend on if it turns out. And that data may depend on whether we’re caring about velocity or position. (while we’re on subatomics).