Esteem Engine

Esteem Engine by Patricia Voss (outline for applied speech)

  1.  Introduction

We all want self esteem, but what does it mean?  I’ve heard it contrasted with confidence, self worth, and self efficacy.  They say bullies have low self esteem, while Oprah promotes service as affirming.  Do we invest in ourselves or give of ourselves?  I study the field of positive psychology, which is mental health defined by functionality rather than disorder.

I believe most people possess all the tools for healthy self esteem, but we may not be using them in a way that brings us happiness.

Main points:

  1.  The toolbox of self
  2.  Emotional dyslexia
  3.  Robust self regard

Transition:  To understand what psychiatrists call Neurocognitive Domains, imagine you have awakened a Genie.  But this Genie has updated his wishlist to the DSM5 and you must choose from the following:  Would you want to read thoughts, access emotions, or predict behavior?

  1.  Three of the mind’s tools (DSM5)
    1.  Complex Attention
      1.  Focus
      2.  Task Switching
      3.  “Thoughts”
    2.  Executive Function
      1.  Decisions
      2.  Working memory
      3.  “Behavior”
    3.  Social Cognition
      1.  Emotional Awareness
      2.  Boundaries
      3.  “Feelings”

Interest and Validation
Transition:  Now there’s more to a tool than it’s shape; you have to know what to use it for.  You can motivate a horse with a carrot and a stick, but you have to make sure you’ve got the right tool at the right end.  This is I used to roll.

III.  Emotional Dyslexia (Harrison, LDS recovery program guide)

  1.  Self Interest
    1.  thinking x feeling about self
    2.  Narcissism
  2.  External Validation
    1.  Behavior fueled feelings about others
    2.  Comparison

Esteem matrix
Transition:  So how can we get from this state, which you may know as codependency, to the mythical realm of interdependency?

  1.  Robust self regard
    1.  Internal Validation
      1.  Behavior fueled by feelings about self
      2.  Self Care (Orem)
    2.  Interest in others
      1.  Thinking x feeling about others
      2.  Empathy

Esteem Chiasm
Conclusion:  We’ve come a long way since Freud’s conception of the unconscious, society’s morals, and the self struggling to mediate between them.  Yet most of our art and culture draws on that model to illustrate our discontent.  I believe, following modern Psychologist Terry Warner, that we are not condemned to perpetual conflict, but that we can develop our way of being through treating others as we would be treated.  I used to focus on myself, and rely on external motivation.  I now focus on others, and have internal motivation.

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